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One of my readers, Christian author Edmond Sanganyado, spent the early part of his life angry at God for misfortunes which had beset his family.

Now he is grace filled. Conversion came a few months after he came top in his high school class. He was so angry, though, that he was in severe physical pain. This is what happened between graduation and conversion (emphases mine):

My brother’s friend bought me a gift to celebrate that rather normal achievement. A dictionary and a Christian booklet. I chose to read the dictionary than the Christian book. To make matters worse, the Christian book had the most horrible cover I had ever s[ee]n. After my General Certificate of Education Ordinary Level exams, I set myself to read every book I could lay my hands on. Except that Christian booklet.

Even medical scientists have proven anger is one of the most dangerous emotions, it is more deadly than cancer. As anger welled my inside like a volcano on the brink of an eruption, so did my health degenerate. At one time I had a headache which so excruciating that when I wanted to check if I had a fever, I touched my pillow thinking it was my head. My stomach gave in, and I had to walk around with a packet of anti-acids. One of my high school teachers had an encyclopedia of human diseases, I studied it and carried out a self-diagnosis. I probably had depression.

The day following New Year in 2002, I hit an all time low. No book in my library could provide the escape I needed, not even the dictionary. I was in pain and I was in emotional turmoil. On my table lay the Christian booklet with its horrible cover. I picked up, not because I wanted to hear what the author talked about, rather to escape the painful reality called my life.

I flipped through the pages of the book, it was like looking at a mirror. I was only seventeen, but I saw for the first time that God was love

Only His grace could save me, and it did.

This is why I write, I write for myself and for those who read and might be in a similar situation.

I know many who are angry at God, like Edmond, mostly for family difficulties and deaths. I pray they come to conversion as Edmond has.

For those who have difficulty praying or understanding prayer, I highly recommend they read his post ‘What Is Prayer, Really?’ Excerpts follow.

If prayer is simply speaking to God, then my words should be an expression of my deepest longings. My prayer is an outpouring of what lies hidden in my heart. I tell God what I believe, knowing God has given me His word and will continue to do so.

… prayer is operationally simply an exchange of words between God and man. In prayer, God reveals His heart through the Holy Spirit. By the same Spirit, we divulge the innermost substances of our heart. It is the Holy Spirit who searches the deep things of our heart.

“What is in the deepest end of your heart?”

At the surface, I had a review to write, experiments to do, a family to support, debts to pay and a book to sell. But, there was something else at the bottom of my heart. Prayer was revealing that thing, at the bottom of my heart, before the feet of Jesus Christ.

May be tomorrow it will be something different, but today, I only want to give thanks to God. I want to laugh and jump around celebrating the might and strength and faithfulness of God …

Do not allow the stuff at the surface to rob you an opportunity to pray.

How true that is. So often we are distracted from our daily schedules, thinking only of what we need to accomplish that day. We think, ‘I’ll pray later.’ Sometimes, later never comes. We fall asleep before praising and thanking God for His many blessings.

More of Edmond’s insights are in his books The Secret Place and The Good Shepherd. I wish him all the very best with them as well as in his personal and spiritual life.

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